I’m 15 years old in my second year of high school. I’ve been diagnosed with ADD and depression. For the past two years, I’ve had more and more thoughts of killing other people. There is never a specific reason to it. I haven’t been bullied, although I don’t have any friends, but I prefer it that way. The thought of intimately killing someone, slowly, sends a chill through my spine. I don’t even really see it as a pleasure full thing. It’s like a drug addiction. I HAVE to kill someone or I get hot flashes, twitchy, nervous, and anxious. It could be anyone, I wouldn’t care. I know I need help for this, and I’m dying to get just that, but I’m afraid. First off, I had this paranoia that my family won’t believe me – that they might think I’m lying for attention or that it has something to do with my other existing illnesses. I’m also afraid that they will label me a freak or treat me differently. I need help on how to go about this.Uncontrollable Homicidal Thoughts
Uncontrollable Homicidal Thoughts
You have done the right thing by writing to us at Psych Central. You are frightened to ask for help but you should not let fear stop you from accessing treatment. Even if you think that your parents will not believe you, ask them for help. You might be surprised by their reaction.
Typically, when people are struggling with life problems or feel as though they have a lack of power in the world, they may consider harming themselves or someone else. They often feel as though they’re out of options and lack the coping skills to help themselves. I think this may be, at least in part, how you are feeling.
If you don’t feel as though you can go to your parents, then tell a trusted faculty member about how you have been feeling. You are not going to be labeled as a “freak.” When you finally reveal your true feelings and your desire to receive treatment, those around you will want to help. It’s imperative that you receive help as soon as possible.
Don’t hesitate to call 911 or go to the emergency room if you feel as though you cannot control your behavior. Your safety, and the safety of others, is of paramount importance.
I know that you’re frightened but this is one occasion where you must force yourself to do something that you fear. Many people have been in your position, feeling they had nowhere to turn, but they quickly learned that with the proper treatment their lives significantly improved. You can expect the same positive outcome if you are willing to ask for help. Don’t keep this a secret any longer. I hope you’re able to receive the help that you desire. Please take care.
Dr. Kristina Randle
Mental Health & Criminal Justice Blog