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Boyfriend is Refusing Help

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My boyfriends 16 and this is what he told me today-

On occasion I have felt the total and full urge to kill people. Not just in fits of anger, but I have genuinely though out and considered it. I think I’m going insane. And that’s not me exaggerating, I genuinely feel that my mentality is slowly peeling away. My thoughts are getting less and less rational, my moods have started getting so jumpy it’s almost bipolar. And when I say moods, I don’t just mean happy and sad, I mean that I can go from ecstatic to horrible emptiness that makes me want to murder the closest person to me brutally with a blunt instrument, in the space of minutes. I’m worried that in a shorter time than I hoped I’ll become a danger to society. I can see the inside of my mind. I can physically will myself to see it.
Like a computer network, like cyberspace.
And I can switch things on and off.
It’s so hard to explain
But computer networks can get hacked, get viruses, and right now my mind is swimming with malware and trojans
And they’re just multiplying in my files

I dont know if this is anything to do with it, but he’s adopted, he feels his family hate him, he thinks his life is awful. I want to help him, but I don’t know what to do and he won’t get help.

Boyfriend is Refusing Help

Answered by on -


Your boyfriend is not well. He’s clearly struggling and needs help. I’m not certain what your relationship is like with his parents but I would urge you to share this information with them as soon as possible.

What about your parents? Are they aware of the information that your boyfriend has shared with you? If not, then you should tell them.

You should also consider reporting this information to a local mental health crisis team or the police. Calling the police or a mental health crisis team will ensure that he receives immediate help. Emergency services will come to the home, evaluate his condition and determine if he needs treatment.

Take his threats seriously and report them immediately. He is not well, not thinking clearly, can’t control his behavior, and is in need of help. You may worry that he will be upset with you because you shared this information with others. He may feel as though it is a breach of trust but I would urge you to report it anyway. What’s most important is protecting his safety and the safety of others. Please take care.

Dr. Kristina Randle
Mental Health & Criminal Justice Blog

Boyfriend is Refusing Help

Therapists live, online right now, from BetterHelp:

Kristina Randle, Ph.D., LCSW

Kristina Randle, Ph.D., LCSW is a licensed psychotherapist and Assistant Professor of Social Work and Forensics with extensive experience in the field of mental health. She works in private practice with adults, adolescents and families. Kristina has worked in a large array of settings including community mental health, college counseling and university research centers.

APA Reference
Randle, K. (2018). Boyfriend is Refusing Help. Psych Central. Retrieved on November 28, 2020, from
Scientifically Reviewed
Last updated: 8 May 2018 (Originally: 18 Sep 2013)
Last reviewed: By a member of our scientific advisory board on 8 May 2018
Published on Psych All rights reserved.