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Coping with a Fetish

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I will keep this brief and to the point. I am a very normal family man with a great job great kids and a wonderful wife. I have one issue, I am extremely aroused at the thought, sight, touch ect.. of any kind of women’s panties. I have felt this was pretty much my whole life but over the years it seems to grow stronger. Nobody on the planet knows this as of now. Sometimes when I’m home alone I will wear my wife satin panties and masturbate. I have even bought a few pairs myself that I keep hidden. I can’t seem to even walk through a department store near the lingerie section without become very turned on. Do I have a closet cross-dressing issues or will this fetish continue to take over till I am out-ed. And telling my wife is not an option, she would have me committed for sure. HELP

Coping with a Fetish

Answered by on -


I appreciate the courage in asking the question publicly. What arouses people sexually can be along a very wide spectrum. The fact that there is something to turn you on is not a bad thing. Best of all situations can be when couples learn to turn each other on and use these activators as a way to stimulate, enhance, and evolve the relationship. So while I know you said that this isn’t something you feel you can share with your wife, if there is ever an opportunity or a possibility that you could—that would be the best. Then it moves the fetish from something that feels like it has to be kept a secret into something that can be used for reciprocal pleasure.

On the other side of the coin is knowing how to use this activation with your wife in a more subtle way. The natural version of this, if she is willing, would be for her to keep her panties on during foreplay as a source of stimulation. My point is don’t turn this into something bad if there is a way it can be used to enhance the relationship sexually. Of course if it becomes too uncomfortable for you and there isn’t a way it can be incorporated you can always ask the help of a therapist in learning to manage the impulses.

Wishing you patience and peace,
Dr. Dan
Proof Positive Blog @ PsychCentral

Coping with a Fetish

Therapists live, online right now, from BetterHelp:

Daniel J. Tomasulo, PhD, TEP, MFA, MAPP

Dan Tomasulo Ph.D., TEP, MFA, MAPP teaches Positive Psychology in the graduate program of Counseling and Clinical Psychology at Columbia University, Teachers College and works with Martin Seligman, the Father of Positive Psychology in the Masters of Applied Positive Psychology (MAPP) program at the University of Pennsylvania. He is Director of the New York Certification in Positive Psychology for the Open Center in New York City and on faculty at New Jersey City University. Sharecare has honored him as one of the top 10 online influencers on the topic of depression. For more information go to: He also writes for Psych Central's Ask the Therapist column and the Proof Positive blog.

APA Reference
Tomasulo, D. (2018). Coping with a Fetish. Psych Central. Retrieved on November 27, 2020, from
Scientifically Reviewed
Last updated: 8 May 2018 (Originally: 2 Sep 2013)
Last reviewed: By a member of our scientific advisory board on 8 May 2018
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