Hi, I usually feel a little paranoid about these forums, but I just want an opinion. I don’t even know where to start. I’ve dealt with self esteem issues for a long time. In high school I was known as the weird girl who ran around and was hyper all the time and got in trouble (I went to school overseas) I’ve had difficulty sleeping for the past 4 years, I’ve lost some weight over the years 125 to 106 then back up to 110. It wasn’t purposely as I was in an emotionally exhausting long distance relationship and it ended up taking its toll on me. I’ve only ever been with 3 guys and all of them seemed crazy, unstable and controlling. I have some paranoid thoughts about people, sometimes I think the 3 best friends that I have don’t like me. I feel an enormous amount of guilt from past decisions and actions I’ve made. Sometimes I feel hyper and happy. But not genuine happiness, just a temporary feeling of self esteem, heart racing, thoughts racing, and wanting to jump around and act weird, or something. I can’t really explain it, and then other times I will feel very irritable and upset, I’ve gotten to a point where I argue with my family and have broken our TV, hit walls, and slammed things. Sometimes I feel annoyed with my friends for no good reason, and they don’t even live near me. I help my father out with his business sometimes, and I had a job at a music store, but I got overwhelmed with talking to people there and keep a quota and would come home crying sometimes. So I lied to my boss and told her I was overwhelmed with school and I had to quit, she was sad and she thought I was a good worker but I didn’t think that I was, the only thing I am good at is school, I am a high achiever, however even when I make a B on a test I feel so depressed, and I’m very self critical about everything. I went to see 2 different counselors and I’d make up excuses to not see them again, however I will be seeing a college counselor soon but I’m scared of letting her know stuff about me because I’m scared of people finding out.