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Not Allowed to See Boyfriend

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My parents won’t let me see my boyfriend of 8 months. I am 16 and he is 17, and they can’t see what I see in him. He’s had a difficult life that I haven’t been anywhere near and I think that’s part of the reason they won’t let me see him. We’ve broken up twice before, but we’re back together and it seems as though he really wants to make it work. They say he is a player and uses me, when he’s never cheated on me or dated anyone else in the time we’ve been together, nor have we had sex. I understand that they just want to protect me, but I think they are going about it the wrong way. My boyfriend says that we should stay together even though we cant see each other, and I’ve agreed, but I also know this isn’t a permanent solution. I don’t want to ruin my relationship with my parents, but I also want to be able to see my boyfriend. I just want to see him, but I can’t do it without going behind their back, and whenever I try to talk to them, they won’t really take into consideration what I see in him and why I love him. I know that they’re trying be good parents, but I need them to understand that I love him and I need to see him. Please help me.

Not Allowed to See Boyfriend

Answered by on -

A.

It is difficult when parents who love you are trying to protect you but at the same time this protection feels very limiting.

I think it might be time for you, your mom, and your dad to sit down together. Trying to solve this on your own will be too frustrating. Ask to have a meeting with your mom and dad and explain to them your struggle — that you want to honor them but you would like to give it a chance with your boyfriend. Bring the problem to them rather than away from them. Move toward the conflict, not away from it.

Ask for their help. Tell them the idea of just cutting the relationship out altogether puts you in a very bad place. Ask them to help solve it with you. Often this can lead to some shift in the stalemate.

Wishing you patience and peace,
Dr. Dan
Proof Positive Blog @ PsychCentral

Not Allowed to See Boyfriend

Daniel J. Tomasulo, PhD, TEP, MFA, MAPP

Dan Tomasulo Ph.D., TEP, MFA, MAPP teaches Positive Psychology in the graduate program of Counseling and Clinical Psychology at Columbia University, Teachers College and works with Martin Seligman, the Father of Positive Psychology in the Masters of Applied Positive Psychology (MAPP) program at the University of Pennsylvania. He is Director of the New York Certification in Positive Psychology for the Open Center in New York City and on faculty at New Jersey City University. Sharecare has honored him as one of the top 10 online influencers on the topic of depression. For more information go to: http://www.dare2behappy.com/. He also writes for Psych Central's Ask the Therapist column and the Proof Positive blog.

APA Reference
Tomasulo, D. (2018). Not Allowed to See Boyfriend. Psych Central. Retrieved on September 21, 2019, from https://psychcentral.com/ask-the-therapist/2013/08/26/not-allowed-to-see-boyfriend/
Scientifically Reviewed
Last updated: 8 May 2018
Last reviewed: By a member of our scientific advisory board on 8 May 2018
Published on Psych Central.com. All rights reserved.