Thank you for your heartfelt letter. I understand the complexities of being in couples therapy and how difficult it can be when you’re both there, but nothing productive is happening. I would strongly encourage you to begin individual therapy as you continue with the couples therapy. Even if you decide to get divorced, it will be important to have good communication between the two of you. The couples therapy can help with that, but you need to sort this through apart from the work you are doing together.
The other suggestion I would run by your couples therapist is if there is any value in having a weekend couples workshop run by a skilled professional. There are many vehicles for this and I know when I’m working with a couple who is stalled that sometimes an intense weekend run by a skilled facilitator can move the process along. It tends to be that the weekend workshops will either help the couple decide they want to work more intensely on the relationship — or that they need to find ways to bring it to an end.