I don’t think it would be accurate of me to suggest that your relationship is crazy. It sounds as if there is a very powerful connection between the two of you. That disconnection is painful and obviously the relationship means a great deal to both of you.
What might be a better question is: Is your relationship real intimacy? The infidelities in which you engage would seem to be designed to sabotage and prevent intimacy. I think the real question here is how much intimacy can you handle?
If I were to answer: “Yes, this relationship is definitely love,” how would this change your behavior? If I say: No, it isn’t love –what would this do? But if we have to ask how much intimacy can you tolerate, I believe we get much closer to the issue.
I would strongly recommend individual therapy for you to unravel this question. I don’t think things can improve until you understand more about what intimacy means for you.