There is a good chance that your symptoms are indicative of past abuse. Post-traumatic stress disorder (PTSD) might also be a factor. It would explain why you are experiencing flashbacks and why certain images trigger an intense emotional response.
Another possibility exists. You may have obsessive-compulsive disorder (OCD). It might account for the intrusive images and your unexplained fear of molesting children. Some individuals with OCD become obsessed with the idea that they may harm or kill someone. They don’t feel as though they can control themselves.
You would benefit from a thorough psychiatric evaluation. A mental health professional can gather an extensive psychosocial history and determine what might be wrong. Sometimes people exhibit symptoms of various disorders but don’t meet the criteria for any one disorder. A mental health evaluation could determine what disorder, if any, you may have. Choose a mental health professional who specializes in trauma.
Once your symptoms are under control, you may want to consider hypnosis. Hypnosis might help to uncover repressed memories. One must choose a qualified therapist especially because repressed memories might trigger an intense emotional response. Hypnosis must be done with extreme care and should only be considered when you are emotionally ready. Now might not be the best time since you are still investigating what might be wrong but it is a treatment option to consider at a later date. Please take care.
Dr. Kristina Randle
Mental Health & Criminal Justice Blog