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Long-Distance Relationship is Fading

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Hi, I’ve been in a long distant relationship since June. Everything was doing fine until a couple of weeks ago, when I was venting about how my cousin betrayed my trust so he can get with the woman I was seeing at that time. She got mad and assumed I was still thinking about that woman, when I told her before that conversation that I never loved that woman, nor i’m I thinking of her. I’m just upset that my family betrayed me like that. Ok we got pass that, and then another situation occurred when I posted on facebook how I needed to change so I wouldn’t hurt her anymore. Well, one of my facebook friends saw that and completely bashed her on my post. I immediately came to her aid but that wasn’t enough. She got mad and been mad about it every since. So we went days without communicating like we use to because she stated that she needed time to get back the feelings she once had for me. So I did, but in the mist of all that I fell into a depression and neglected to tell her cause I thought it will make me seem weak. We argued about that for an hour, and that really made her mad to the point where she wanted to cut the relationship off, but I asked her to give me another chance. Now she has completely numbed herself and won’t talk to me about anything. She calls me on the phone but she gets quiet and won’t say anything. How do I get her talking again, and what can I do to make her feel the way she use to feel about me?

Long-Distance Relationship is Fading

Answered by on -


I would like to feed back to you what I am hearing. First you tell her your feelings of being betrayed and explained that these feelings are not about the other woman but about your cousin. She gets angry. You make a comment that you want to change so you don’t hurt her, usually a good thing for couples, and again she gets angry even when you defend the bashing post. You get depressed and don’t tell her – why would you? When you were vulnerable and told her you felt betrayed by your cousin she got angry. Why would you be vulnerable again? She is angry when you are vulnerable, angry when you defend her, angry when you keep your feelings to yourself. Now she is numb. Trying to please her seems to be a losing battle. I would recommend some short-term individual therapy to help you think through the value in this relationship and how you might want to deal with it going forward.

Wishing you patience and peace,
Dr. Dan
Proof Positive Blog @ PsychCentral

Long-Distance Relationship is Fading

Therapists live, online right now, from BetterHelp:

Daniel J. Tomasulo, PhD, TEP, MFA, MAPP

Dan Tomasulo Ph.D., TEP, MFA, MAPP teaches Positive Psychology in the graduate program of Counseling and Clinical Psychology at Columbia University, Teachers College and works with Martin Seligman, the Father of Positive Psychology in the Masters of Applied Positive Psychology (MAPP) program at the University of Pennsylvania. He is Director of the New York Certification in Positive Psychology for the Open Center in New York City and on faculty at New Jersey City University. Sharecare has honored him as one of the top 10 online influencers on the topic of depression. For more information go to: He also writes for Psych Central's Ask the Therapist column and the Proof Positive blog.

APA Reference
Tomasulo, D. (2018). Long-Distance Relationship is Fading. Psych Central. Retrieved on October 1, 2020, from
Scientifically Reviewed
Last updated: 8 May 2018 (Originally: 3 Aug 2013)
Last reviewed: By a member of our scientific advisory board on 8 May 2018
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