This eventually got to me and I became suicidal at age 8. I cried and prayed every night that I would die in a terrible accident. I eventually swallowed a whole bottle of pills at 11, but survived(obviously). Then I began self harming and developed an eating disorder of sorts. I still struggle with all of this, including the abusive family, to this day. I’ve gone a month and a half clean from self harm. That’s the longest I’ve ever been clean. I’m very proud of this but now I’ve started seeing things. I’ve always heard voices but now I see objects move and grow faces. They open their mouths and scream but no noise comes out. It’s absolutely terrifying. I don’t know what’s happening inside my mind. I am 16, I struggle with anxiety, eating disorders, self harm, and depression, and my family will never know.Abusive Family Causing Trouble
Abusive Family Causing Trouble
I’m sorry that you’ve had such difficult experiences. Despite all that you’ve been through, you’ve managed to “stay clean” from self-harm. That’s a major accomplishment. It’s indicative of your strength and resiliency.
Now you’re experiencing troublesome symptoms, including hallucinations and hearing voices. Those symptoms are associated with psychotic disorder, however, they may develop as a result of other conditions such as food or sleep deprivation, post-traumatic stress disorder, drugs and alcohol, and migraines, among others.
You stated that “my family will never know,” which may be your way of saying that you have no intention of telling your family about your symptoms. If so, you should reconsider. Even if you don’t think that they will care, you should tell them. You could be wrong about them. They might surprise you and want to help.
If you have no intention of telling your parents, then you should inform a trusted adult (friend or family) or a school faculty member. Your symptoms are concerning, and need to be addressed. They should not be ignored.
In the meantime, document your symptoms. Having clear documentation will assist a mental health professional in evaluating what may be wrong. Also keep in mind that you have had success in stopping your self-harm. It’s proof that you should not underestimate your strength and resiliency. Please take care.
Dr. Kristina Randle
Mental Health & Criminal Justice Blog