Ok here goes…I am dating a young woman(26). Couple months. She told me she was molested by her grandfather as a child and was raped 4 years ago. She saw a therapist for her OCD when she was younger but never for the other stuff. Her parents know nothing of what’s happened. So she asked me me if I would “fight for her”. I’ve only known her a few months. Not sure what she means by “fight for her”. Or “will you fight for me” in the first person. She is insecure and somewhat of an introvert and never stays in touch with anyone. Not even her friends. So what does she means when she asks……”will you fight for me?” I mean this is not some sappy Danielle Steele love novel. She has been distant with me also.

A. It’s unclear what she meant by “fight for her.” You mentioned that she is acting distant. It might be her way of indirectly determining whether or not you will support her. She may have felt as though you didn’t care about her and wanted to know that you did. Sometimes, when people are feeling unsupported (justified or unjustified) they shut down emotionally. This is especially true if someone is not an effective communicator.

Miscommunication is a common problem in relationships and with people in general. People do not always express themselves in a clear manner. Even when they do, other people might misconstrue what was said. Many problems occur as a result of miscommunication.

You should ask her what she meant by the phrase “fight for her.” I can only speculate. Only she knows the answer. Having a conversation could end this potential misunderstanding. It might also draw the two of you closer together and strengthen the relationship.

You should also suggest that she return to therapy. She experienced multiple traumas. Unresolved traumas can negatively affect psychological health and relationships. Therapy can also address her insecurities and tendency to isolate. I wish the two of you the best of luck. Please take care.

Dr. Kristina Randle
Mental Health & Criminal Justice Blog