I don’t know what’s wrong with me? I’ve been through some stuff, for starters I am an immigrant in the U.S. I’ve been made fun of because of that a lot. I now lie about my origins; I don’t accept the fact that I am not American in front of anyone but my own family. I am basically embarrassed of who I am and I hate myself for that, I mean I should be proud, shouldn’t I? I don’t have a very nice home either, I don’t have a lot of things that I wish I did. I live with my aunt and my cousins, my parents live in Mexico, I see them once a week for a couple of hours. My aunt and uncle constantly fight and so do my cousins, it’s gotten to the point of physical violence and I don’t know what to do sometimes. I lock myself in my room and try to avoid them and everything now. I have secluded myself from my family but for some reason I don’t mind it. I am afraid because I like being alone and I don’t think that’s normal. Being alone makes me feel calm but at the same time I feel lonely, I have a lot of trouble communicating with people. I feel like a fool every time I talk to someone new so I just stick with my old friends, but it seems like now they don’t want to talk to me, or maybe I’m just too boring? Maybe I just have to change myself. Though I have tried, I have tried being nicer but I feel like a hypocrite because it’s not genuine…I tend to judge a lot too, in my head I analyze everything. Every little detail of every person and I always finds something bad, I hate it! Why can’t I just be like the other people, free and careless? I’m very self-conscious. I think sometimes I care too much of what other people think, I tend to make people’s likes and dislikes my own just to agree with them. Why can’t I ever express myself properly? I was never like this, when I was little I was very outgoing and everything was so wonderful. I think I changed a lot when I started living with my cousins. For some reason I have this weird flashback from when I was smaller. I was sleeping with my brother and my two cousins, I was in the middle of the bed and all of a sudden I woke up, and my cousin was touching me…then he looked me in the eye and said what? And I didn’t say anything. I just turned the other way and went back to sleep. I don’t know for sure if this really happened but I could swear it did. Everything is so clear in my head and it disgusts me that for some twisted reason I didn’t mind it. Why didn’t I say anything? My brother was right next to me! I’m so disgusting. I am currently unsure of what I want, and I guess that’s perfectly normal for a teenager but it bothers me so much and I stress over so many things and I just wish I could stop caring so much like everyone else. Why can’t I just have a normal family and a normal house? I wish my mom was here, I miss her so much and I miss the way my dad and I were. My dad and I were so close until I found out he had another family, though I guess I always knew but I never took it seriously until I was a little older, at first I thought sharing my daddy was ok. Then I realized he’s wrong and so is my mom for allowing it. Now his other wife has cancer, he is no longer the same and the only time I see him, he ignores me and I have learned to ignore him as well. I hate it though… I miss his old self and my old self and I just need someone to tell me how to change. I just want to be sure because I don’t remember when was the last time I was completely sure about anything.