You’ve modified your lifestyle to accommodate her evolving needs. You’re supportive and loving. You’re even willing to attend treatment with her. You are clearly doing everything you can to help your fiancé. You’re doing what every loving partner should do when presented with such a situation but at this point she’s unwilling to accept help.
You’re in a predicament. She didn’t cause herself to be depressed but it is up to her to decide that she wants help. You can’t force someone to do something they don’t want to do.
You’re not left with many options but there is something else you can try. Give her an ultimatum: agree to participate in therapy for at least six months or you are not getting married. That may seem like a harsh tactic but your options are limited. It may be necessary to save the relationship and her well-being.
If her ultimate decision is that she’s unwilling to seek help, you then have to decide whether you want to stay in this relationship. It would be difficult to maintain a relationship with someone who is emotionally unstable and who is unwilling to attempt to help themselves. It won’t be easy for you to stay and you may begin to resent her. Her unwillingness to seek help undoubtedly affects the relationship and your happiness.
If you’re ensure about how to proceed, then consider consulting a therapist. I am suggesting that you see a therapist when it’s your fiancée who is depressed because it’s a delicate situation and a difficult dilemma, especially if your fiancée continues to refuse help. You’d feel much better if you had objective, sound clinical advice about how to navigate this most important relationship. Please take care.
Dr. Kristina Randle
Mental Health & Criminal Justice Blog