I’m a 38-year-old man who likes being unhappy. I have no idea why I like being unhappy. To be fair I do have challenges that make me this way, but I think my problem is I enjoy being sad. Is that possible?
One challenge I have is work. My partner and I bought a business in a remote part of the country, which is now failing. I have not doubt that at some time the business shall be taken by the bank (I have got letter to that affect). In the mean time he and I adopted 2 children. There would be no financial way I could support the family in such a remote place. To save the children the stress of relocation of home and school the children and my partner live in another property we own, a 6 hour drive from here. I rarely see the family.
Another challenge I have is socially. I’m not very close to anyone, including my mum and sister. I have a few people I know to say hi to but no true close friends. I don’t get many social invites, which suits me because I don’t often feel very social. I rarely speak to my mum or sister, once a month or less. There is no special reason for this, I just don’t have a bonding supportive relationship with them. My parents split when I was 10 and nether I nor my sister bonded with my mums partner so I did my best to go unnoticed. I was much closer to my dad but sadly he died when I was 26.
When I have a set back I really seam to wallow in it because I find it comforting. If I allow my feelings to get on top of me I can sink really low. I believe I feel bad because a hidden part me enjoys it. How can I stop doing this to myself?