I am 23 years old i come from a verbally abusive family my dad is a closet drinker and my mom is a screamer . I just recently moved out of my house and now currently living with my grandma on the east coast . My mom likes to call and ask my grandma things and recently i got engaged and she does not want me engaged i told her i sent the ring back she still doesn’t believe me and yet she dropped the topic for awhile and now is bringing it up again . I have told her time and time again its my life and i can be married when i want to be yet ready . She still sees me as a 15 yr old and its hard to talk to her over the phone i feel like i walk on egg shells every time she calls i suffer now from anxiety yet i check my phone every hour to see if she calls . There hasn’t been a day where i am able to relax . My grandmother believes my mom should still be in my life yet i feel its ruining me mentally . Help please !
A: You moved out because your family life was not conducive to your well-being. There is no magic in staying in contact with a parent that will undo this truth. I suggest you limit your connection and conversation with her, because this is the only way you can begin to individuate and develop a personal life.
I would email or text or write your mom, whichever is the mode she is most comfortable with. But I would limit the ongoing verbal conversation because it will put you in the position of having to cope with the barrage of questions. A written format will give you more time to think and choose the timing of your response.
Wishing you patience and peace,
Tomasulo, D. (2013). Overcontrolling Mother. Psych Central. Retrieved on May 23, 2017, from https://psychcentral.com/ask-the-therapist/2013/06/23/overcontrolling-mother/