I have been in a relationship for 1 year with my girlfriend and I have been separated for 2 1/2 years now. My divorce is now 2 months away. I have 2 children. My son is 8 & my daughter is 5. I want to introduce my kids to my girlfriend but I feel very scared because of the possibility of my kids having to go through a separation again. My relationship with my girlfriend is GREAT.I have introduced her to my parents and my sister and I have also meet most of her family. She understands my decision of not introducing my kids to her yet but I believe she is worried whether that day will ever come… I don’t want to lose her because of my fear of the unknown… Please help!!!
I appreciate your sensitivity and concern. The fact that you have this awareness now – almost regardless of what you choose to do — is the more important thing. Your children have a father who is invested in their well-being and that is more important than the specific path that gets chosen.
For others reading this answer I want to note that the answer would be different depending on the age of the children. At such a young age, in this circumstance you would want to err on the side of waiting. Since the divorce is imminent I would at least wait until the entanglements with that process are complete. I would then very gradually expose them to her in small doses, giving them a chance to react. Here are some of the top books by experts on the topic.
Dan Tomasulo Ph.D., TEP, MFA, MAPP teaches Positive Psychology in the graduate program of Counseling and Clinical Psychology at Columbia University, Teachers College and works with Martin Seligman, the Father of Positive Psychology in the Masters of Applied Positive Psychology (MAPP) program at the University of Pennsylvania. He is Director of the New York Certification in Positive Psychology for the Open Center in New York City and on faculty at New Jersey City University. Sharecare has honored him as one of the top 10 online influencers on the topic of depression. For more information go to: http://www.dare2behappy.com/. He also writes for Psych Central's Ask the Therapist column and the Proof Positive blog.
APA Reference Tomasulo, D. (2018). When to Introduce Kids to Girlfriend. Psych Central.
Retrieved on May 23, 2019, from https://psychcentral.com/ask-the-therapist/2013/06/12/when-to-introduce-kids-to-girlfriend/
Last updated: 8 May 2018 Last reviewed: By a member of our scientific advisory board on 8 May 2018 Published on Psych Central.com. All rights reserved.