I am very sorry to hear about your suffering. Make no mistake, you are indeed suffering. You’ve kept your feelings bottled up for so long that your sadness has morphed into anger. You also have no outlet to release this pent-up anger. These feelings have led you to engage in physical self-destruction and to consider suicide.
You’ve used fantasy to escape these problems but they can no longer be ignored. What began as a relatively minor issue has become a major issue. Ignoring your problems or not accessing treatment has made them worse. Perhaps you thought that you could handle them on your own. Maybe you didn’t believe that anything was wrong or maybe these problems were too difficult to face. The reality is that these problems are significantly interfering with your life and must be dealt with. The fact the you have considered suicide is evidence of the seriousness of these problems.
I cannot tell you why you have these problems because it would require me to know about your psychosocial history. I would recommend being evaluated by a mental health professional as soon as possible. Mental health professionals are trained to deal with these very problems. They receive advanced training and specialize in helping people to overcome psychological problems and regain their lives. I would strongly advise against ignoring these problems because they may only become worse.
The good news is that the problem that you have described is easily treated. You lack a belief in yourself. You just doubt yourself. Losing your boyfriend may have caused this problem or aggravated it. Now you think that you just aren’t good enough. That isn’t even close to the truth. Oftentimes people look to others to tell them if they are good enough to be loved. This is always a mistake. You are good enough to be loved. You just haven’t met the right man. This is partly due to the fact that you turn your potential suitors away. You turn them away because you think that you aren’t good enough for them and they would be disappointed if they really got to know you. Have faith in yourself. I do.
Please take care and let me know how you are doing.
Dr. Kristina Randle
Mental Health & Criminal Justice Blog