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I Believe That My Girlfriend Raped Me

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Today while we were both in respective dark depressed moods, my girlfriend jumped on me and started kissing me very forcefully. I told her I really did not want to and pushed her aside. I got up and she came up to me, pulled down my pants and started groping for my penis. I pushed her away but she kept forcing and forcing herself on me. I clearly repeated ‘no’ many times. Eventually I got away, as it was difficult because I didn’t want to hurt her, and she pushed me on the bed and grabbed my penis and forcing it in her mouth. I tried to push her away but I didn’t want to hurt her, even though she was hurting me. Eventually I felt as though it was pointless to resist and just let her. I was not aroused at all but still ejaculated (is that really possible?). I since feel so invaded, hurt, angry and most of all, it made me feel even more depressed. Like I’m sinking into this black hole. I feel robbed of something but we have been dating for over 4 years and I’m a man. Should I feel like this? Do I have a right to feel like this?

I Believe That My Girlfriend Raped Me

Answered by on -


You certainly have a right to feel like this and this is an important issue you are bringing forward. Not having your girlfriend respect your refusal is extremely serious. Your boundaries were not respected, you were clear and clearly ignored. This doesn’t sound romantic, exciting, or sexy. It sound degrading and controlling: two characteristics you do not want to have in your partner. Since you are in college I would go to the counseling center and tell them what happened – not as a couple, but as someone who has survived a rape. For more information you may want to check out this article.

Don’t wait. The longer you take to begin talking about this, the more uncomfortable it will become. You have taken a good first step here. Now it is time to follow it up with a counselor at your school.

Wishing you patience and peace,
Dr. Dan
Proof Positive Blog @ PsychCentral

I Believe That My Girlfriend Raped Me

Daniel J. Tomasulo, PhD, TEP, MFA, MAPP

Dan Tomasulo Ph.D., TEP, MFA, MAPP teaches Positive Psychology in the graduate program of Counseling and Clinical Psychology at Columbia University, Teachers College and works with Martin Seligman, the Father of Positive Psychology in the Masters of Applied Positive Psychology (MAPP) program at the University of Pennsylvania. He is Director of the New York Certification in Positive Psychology for the Open Center in New York City and on faculty at New Jersey City University. Sharecare has honored him as one of the top 10 online influencers on the topic of depression. For more information go to: He also writes for Psych Central's Ask the Therapist column and the Proof Positive blog.

APA Reference
Tomasulo, D. (2018). I Believe That My Girlfriend Raped Me. Psych Central. Retrieved on March 22, 2019, from
Scientifically Reviewed
Last updated: 8 May 2018
Last reviewed: By a member of our scientific advisory board on 8 May 2018
Published on Psych All rights reserved.