Thank you for your powerful letter. The struggle you are having is important to learn more about. Whereever these thoughts are coming from, one thing is certain – you want to find the best way of coping with them.
These memories point back to a feeling and memory of trauma – so that is the best place to begin. I would find a therapist near you specializing in trauma and make an appointment. One of the best treatments is known as EMDR and you can read more about it here. The find help tab at the top of the page can also help you find someone in your area. He or she can help you sort through where those images are coming from. More important, they can help you find some proven ways to cope.