I’ve always been self-conscious about my body. When I was 13 I gained a lot of weight and I realized I was getting stretch marks. I didn’t really care back then, but when I turned 17 I noticed that I had stretch marks everywhere. I developed bulimia and anorexia at age 17.I believes I didn’t want to lose weight but I wanted to get rid of my stretch marks. Well, when I turned 18 I started self-harming to cope with all the hate I felt for myself.
I quit studying 2 years ago. I no longer have a social life or even get out of my room. When I do go out, I feel like a freak. I see all those beautiful girls with their gorgeous bodies, and how men turn their necks to see them. I feel awful, Inferior, useless and worthless. I have made my mind that no man will ever love me and I don’t allow myself to be happy.
It has come to a point where I’ve tried to commit suicide and do drugs because I’ve stopped caring about myself. Coming to realize that I’ll die alone. I have no propose, dreams or plans for the future cause I feel useless. Some people may think that it’s not serious and that I shouldn’t worry about it, but I can’t. I have no control over this. It’s too much hate on myself. I quit studying; I have literally no friends at all. I’ve been to a psychiatrist before, but my mom says I don’t need one. No one in my family knows about this body issue I have and how it ruins my life.
I don’t know how to deal with this anymore. I need help, but my mom refuses to get help for me cause she says I’m normal. I hate it when people compliment me cause I feel bad for myself.
I am exhausted. Mentally and physically, I feel old, tired and depressed. I no longer sleep at night and I rarely eat.