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Angry at Girlfriend’s Past

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I guess she is my ex now, but I was in a reasonably serious relationship with a women about 20 years my senior (a subject that came with its own issues). She grew up around Redfern and Randwick in Sydney around the 70’s and 80’s in that time as a kid she did drugs and kicked around with some real dangerous and unstable thugs. It makes for a compelling story when spoken in detail. However despite how much we loved spending time with each other and how genuine our love for each other was. Her occasional anecdote about transporting heroine flipped a circuit in my brain, it feels like Neutron Bomb detonates in my head and I get stuck on furious! I can’t understand why this offends me? This was in the past, she has a good life and she’s buried that part of her. So why am I feeling like I have to fight my own hand to stave off slapping someone that I would never EVER HURT!

(This next section is just a bit of background it may help)

I was born in Sydney but moved to the Gold Coast when I was young, unlike my ex I was raised by loving parents (though separated). While my parents were both cops I was never exposed to any of the harsh realities of the real world. I learnt alot about life by learning from the mistakes of others (feel free to condescend to me about that). While my ex grew through experience.

So if anyone can shed some light over why I become undone by something that happened years before I was born by someone who didn’t know any better.

Angry at Girlfriend’s Past

Answered by on -


You grew up in a law enforcement household. While I am sure you did not have to manage the personal struggles of coping with unsavory elements in society, my guess is that you heard stories of how your mom and dad had to cope with people like your lover. This would make sense. Your parents’ livelihood and discussion probably led to you to have an opinion about those who break the law. Although your girlfriend broke the law she seems to have transcended her past and evolved into a good citizen. That is likely why you’re okay with her in the present moment, but furious about her past.

Wishing you patience and peace,
Dr. Dan
Proof Positive Blog @ PsychCentral

Angry at Girlfriend’s Past

Therapists live, online right now, from BetterHelp:

Daniel J. Tomasulo, PhD, TEP, MFA, MAPP

Dan Tomasulo Ph.D., TEP, MFA, MAPP teaches Positive Psychology in the graduate program of Counseling and Clinical Psychology at Columbia University, Teachers College and works with Martin Seligman, the Father of Positive Psychology in the Masters of Applied Positive Psychology (MAPP) program at the University of Pennsylvania. He is Director of the New York Certification in Positive Psychology for the Open Center in New York City and on faculty at New Jersey City University. Sharecare has honored him as one of the top 10 online influencers on the topic of depression. For more information go to: He also writes for Psych Central's Ask the Therapist column and the Proof Positive blog.

APA Reference
Tomasulo, D. (2018). Angry at Girlfriend’s Past. Psych Central. Retrieved on November 30, 2020, from
Scientifically Reviewed
Last updated: 8 May 2018 (Originally: 29 Apr 2013)
Last reviewed: By a member of our scientific advisory board on 8 May 2018
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