hi, i am married last week. It is an arranged marriage . my husband is my relative whom i called brother till last year. though i like him,whenever he touch me i am afraid. he is pushing me into sex. i am a virgin so am bit afraid and also when ever he tries to talk to me i become angry and snaps at him. i avoid sleeping with him. i feel like i am tied down. i want to make my family happy. what should i do?Newly Married and Afraid of Sex
Newly Married and Afraid of Sex
I’m so sorry you find yourself in this situation. Sex goes with marriage. Your husband’s expectations are not unreasonable. What is unreasonable to me is that you were entered into a marriage so unprepared to be fully a wife. Of course you are scared! Since you two couldn’t get to know each other before you married, you do need to find a way to get emotionally and physically comfortable now.
To get some idea of how to answer your question without using American standards, I did what most people do these days: I went on the Internet. Here’s the most sensible suggestion I found:
“Some traditional cultures which practiced arranged marriage had conventional routines for introducing sexuality into the couple’s new life together. For instance, the Sanskrit Kamasutra of Vatsyayana recommends a multi-day courtship sequence for newly married couples beginning with complete sexual abstinence and progressing through specified forms of romantic wooing to actual sexual activity.”
I hope that you and your husband can work on this together. Arranged marriages can and do work. But it takes a willingness to be sensitive to each other, to listen to each other, and to be willing to make the effort.
I wish you well.