I’ve been in a relationship with my partner for almost 4 years. We have a son who is just over 1. I thought we had a very good relationship – we just fit, we are very affectionate and have a great sex life. My partner has just come back on 2 weeks leave during his second tour of Afghanistan – something I’ve been counting down the days to and we’ve had a great week until I found a “pay as you go phone”in his car (I popped to the shops and it vibrated because the battery was low). I couldn’t resist checking and unfortunately found text messages between him and another woman arranging sex sessions since before he left to go on tour. When I confronted him, he admitted that he had been have “no strings sex” with this woman on and off throughout our relationship (apparently not while I was pregnant). He says he loves me, he’s happy in our relationship and that he was using his tour as a clean break from her – he hasn’t contacted her since being home. He says he doesn’t know why he did it – I think he likes the reassurance that he’s still attractive to other women, and there’s probably the excitement of meeting another woman for sex. I don’t want our relationship to end but I’m not sure I can trust him again. If he can do it now when things we’re supposedly happy then what’s to stop him doing it again?Boyfriend was Unfaithful
Boyfriend was Unfaithful
The only thing to stop it now is his character. It is quite possible that his experience in the war and the responsibility and love that comes with a baby have helped your guy grow up. It’s at least worth giving it a chance.
Since you two are in your 30s, I wonder why it is that you haven’t made the commitment of a marriage. I suggest you talk to him about whether his attitude about fidelity would change if you were married.
It’s a good sign that he hasn’t contacted the other woman since he came home. Re-entry after a tour of duty can be challenging but it can also be an opportunity.
I wish you well.