I’m sorry you’re experiencing so much distress. You have faced extraordinary life circumstances. You effectively lost your family at a very young age. You then had a baby at a very young age, moved away from your then-current family and presently do not seem to have any social support. The fact that you are “feeling really down” makes sense, given your life circumstances. Postpartum depression may also be a factor.
You need support and you also need professional mental health treatment. The advantage of seeing a mental health professional is multifold. A psychotherapist could assist you with your mood instability, treat (if diagnosed) your postpartum depression, help you generate coping skills to deal with the very difficult job of being a new mother, and assist you in developing a better relationship with your boyfriend.
Your life could be greatly improved with the assistance of a mental health professional. I hope you will consider it.
Finally, you may want to consider joining a support group for new mothers. Another idea is to contact a local university or your local health department to determine if there are postpartum programs or new mother studies. The local hospital or community health center may also be to refer you to nearby programs. Please take care.
Dr. Kristina Randle
Mental Health & Criminal Justice Blog