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Wanting to End Lengthy Marriage

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I have been married to my husband for 18 years this December. We have two beautiful sons together. My husband treats one son more favorably than the other. Both of our sons are biologically for him. He has cheated on me more times than I can count. He constantly makes what’s wrong our relationship my fault because in his word, “I like to keep the drama going!” His keeping the drama is when I ask him where he has been when he comes home, supposedly from the gym for the past 4 hours everyday. He calls me selfish when I ask him to stay home and spend time with the family. He says that I always want to keep him from doing what he wants to do. He works at night, he’s a police officer for the Department of Defense.

Could someone please tell me how to begin the process for a divorce? Mostly at this point, it was/is my fear that keeps me from making the first step. But I know in my heart of hearts and deep in my soul, I need to make that step. If not for me, but for the sake of our sons. I don’t want them to be damaged by what they see and hear their father doing to me.

Wanting to End Lengthy Marriage

Answered by on -


I am so sorry that you are going through this. It is clear this isn’t what you want (or anyone wants) in a marriage. I would honor your fear. It will be important to create a large system of support as you go through this. I highly recommend you contact your local women’s center and begin counseling with them. They will have referrals for low- or no-cost legal counseling as well. They will be able to help you get the ball rolling.

Wishing you patience and peace,
Dr. Dan
Proof Positive Blog @ PsychCentral

Wanting to End Lengthy Marriage

Daniel J. Tomasulo, PhD, TEP, MFA, MAPP

Dan Tomasulo Ph.D., TEP, MFA, MAPP teaches Positive Psychology in the graduate program of Counseling and Clinical Psychology at Columbia University, Teachers College and works with Martin Seligman, the Father of Positive Psychology in the Masters of Applied Positive Psychology (MAPP) program at the University of Pennsylvania. He is Director of the New York Certification in Positive Psychology for the Open Center in New York City and on faculty at New Jersey City University. Sharecare has honored him as one of the top 10 online influencers on the topic of depression. For more information go to: He also writes for Psych Central's Ask the Therapist column and the Proof Positive blog.

APA Reference
Tomasulo, D. (2018). Wanting to End Lengthy Marriage. Psych Central. Retrieved on May 19, 2019, from
Scientifically Reviewed
Last updated: 8 May 2018
Last reviewed: By a member of our scientific advisory board on 8 May 2018
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