My husband has trust issues, and therefore he divides himself into pieces and hands them to different women so if one piece is damaged he still has the other pieces safe. He can’t have one complete relationship-emotional and physical- with the same person. It took me a while to understand this and it hurt a lot at the beginning, but now I want to know if this can be fixed. He doesn’t want to go to therapy, he says he’s been there before and it doesn’t work. He says he is working on himself and I don’t believe so because he still does those things, but that makes me think he really sees there is a problem, which would be the first step to finding a solution. He had bad things happen to him as a kid and I think that’s where this comes from. What he does drives me nuts but I like all the rest. Sometimes I feel I won’t find a perfect person but I feel this can be fixed. Help, please?
I can understand the frustration of being with someone who is fragmented with their energy and commitment. While I am very much invested in the hope of making relationships work, I also know what it takes for someone struggling with your husband’s issue to come to terms with it.
The main problem is that he would have to invest his all in a therapist. This requires the same core dilemma as the issue itself and this creates the conundrum. I think the only real shot at this is a weekend couples therapy workshop. I have made this recommendation to couples with similar issues. If there is a chance for a correction, the short-term commitment of a weekend has promise for opening up the process of healing. Without a commitment to some therapy it is unlikely your husband will be motivated to change.
Dan Tomasulo Ph.D., TEP, MFA, MAPP teaches Positive Psychology in the graduate program of Counseling and Clinical Psychology at Columbia University, Teachers College and works with Martin Seligman, the Father of Positive Psychology in the Masters of Applied Positive Psychology (MAPP) program at the University of Pennsylvania. He is Director of the New York Certification in Positive Psychology for the Open Center in New York City and on faculty at New Jersey City University. Sharecare has honored him as one of the top 10 online influencers on the topic of depression. For more information go to: http://www.dare2behappy.com/. He also writes for Psych Central's Ask the Therapist column and the Proof Positive blog.
APA Reference Tomasulo, D. (2018). My Husband has Trust Issues. Psych Central.
Retrieved on May 22, 2019, from https://psychcentral.com/ask-the-therapist/2013/04/06/my-husband-has-trust-issues/
Last updated: 8 May 2018 Last reviewed: By a member of our scientific advisory board on 8 May 2018 Published on Psych Central.com. All rights reserved.