I am not aware of any personality disorders in which one of the symptoms is the inability to love. It would have been helpful to know more about his understanding of the inability to love. That phrase may have many different meanings.
It’s odd that he is capable of forming friendships but doesn’t believe he’s capable of love. He apparently makes a distinction between friendships and romantic love relationships. If he is capable of engaging in friendship-type relationships, then he should be capable of other types of interpersonal relationships.
You have very strong feelings for him. You can’t help how you feel. It will be difficult for you to continue your friendship without sharing your true feelings. You should tell him how you feel.
Until you better understand what his psychological problems may be, you cannot determine whether a deeper relationship with him is viable. You need to explore his “inability to love” in more depth. Ask him to expound upon what he means by that phrase. Does he have examples? Did he try to love someone and it was a struggle? Where did the idea of incapacity of love originate? Don’t rule out the possibility that his “inability to love” is his polite way of saying that he is not interested in a romantic relationship.
Ultimately, you need to gather more information about whether he’s capable of being in a romantic relationship and whether he’s interested in doing so. Please take care.
Dr. Kristina Randle
Mental Health & Criminal Justice Blog