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Am I Looking for a Father Figure?

Asked by on with 1 answer:

When I was little I loved my dad, but he walked out on me. And now I find myself attracted to older guys. Not too much older. But at least 3 years. Could not having an older male figure be part of the reason I only like older guys?

Am I Looking for a Father Figure?

Answered by on -


I appreciate the nature of your question and think it is a good one to ask – and I must say quite astute for a 14-year-old. Very good thinking.

The short answer is yes. I believe that our early experiences in our family can be very powerful influencers in our romantic choices. You loved your dad and lost him. You are likely to be looking for someone who can help you recapture that feeling of being loved, but without the loss. I have written about this elsewhere and will encourage you to read these two articles linked here and here.

Wishing you patience and peace,
Dr. Dan
Proof Positive Blog @ PsychCentral

Am I Looking for a Father Figure?

Daniel J. Tomasulo, PhD, TEP, MFA, MAPP

Dan Tomasulo Ph.D., TEP, MFA, MAPP teaches Positive Psychology in the graduate program of Counseling and Clinical Psychology at Columbia University, Teachers College and works with Martin Seligman, the Father of Positive Psychology in the Masters of Applied Positive Psychology (MAPP) program at the University of Pennsylvania. He is Director of the New York Certification in Positive Psychology for the Open Center in New York City and on faculty at New Jersey City University. Sharecare has honored him as one of the top 10 online influencers on the topic of depression. For more information go to: He also writes for Psych Central's Ask the Therapist column and the Proof Positive blog.

APA Reference
Tomasulo, D. (2018). Am I Looking for a Father Figure?. Psych Central. Retrieved on March 22, 2019, from
Scientifically Reviewed
Last updated: 8 May 2018
Last reviewed: By a member of our scientific advisory board on 8 May 2018
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