I feel as though I cannot communicate with anyone, it’s not that I do not want to…I can’t. I can’t think of anything to say to start a conversation, sometimes if I’m lucky ill get a conversation going but then random negative thoughts just come back into my head, I get flustered, and the conversation goes back to nothing and I am once again awkward. I mean the thoughts are negative don’t get me wrong but a lot of the time I spend trying to figure out what is wrong with me, evaluating myself. I know this is a main part of the problem but I can’t help it, I cant just stop the thoughts, they just happen. I was once the type of person who could talk to anyone, was friends with everyone, I had my main group of friends but if I wanted to could call up a random person I havn’t seen in a while and go hang out and just shoot the s**t I could, now if I tried to do that even with my close friends it is just awkward, I don’t know what the f**k is wrong with me, it kills me every day. All that I wish to do is have fun and be happy, but I can’t, something is restricting me completely. I cannot concentrate either, for example, the first couple of sentences I wrote, I wrote right away without thinking, now I keep spacing out and going into my thoughts.
I want to be who I was, funny, confident, charming, a bit of a troublemaker. Now I just feel unhappy, awkward, I always have this band around my head that makes me feel uncomfortable, I always have a headache, I get panic attacks now. No one can understand the pain and agony a person with whatever disorder I have goes through. I would not wish this on my worst enemy, I stay up til 5 am just thinking, I have the tv on but I’m not paying attention to that. I don’t want to tell my mom, my grandpa just got diagnosed with lung cancer and I don’t want to make her worry anymore than she already is. I know I feel emotions but I cannot express them, for instance, I am truly sad over my grandfather getting lung cancer and I know I should be there for him, he has always wanted to play the guitar with me and I know that would be a great thing to do but I can’t get myself to go. How pathetic is that!? It makes me feel like I’m the biggest douche in the world but I honestly just don’t know why I can’t. All I want is to be normal again. Is that so much to ask for?
I am not suicidal, maybe if I didn’t have a family or anything I would be suicidal. I think it would be very selfish if I were to kill myself and make my friends and family suffer.
A. This problem is obviously causing you a great deal of distress. Ideally, it would be best to interview you in person. It seems as though you’re having difficulty communicating and concentrating. Was there a traumatic event, a medical illness, or a recent major change in your life that may be contributing to this problem? Did this change happen suddenly or is it something that developed gradually?
It would be interesting to know if others have also noticed this change. I mention that because you are making judgments about your abilities that may be inaccurate. You may feel that you are not communicating well. Remember, feeling that something is true doesn’t mean it is true.
I would recommend being evaluated by a mental health professional. The advantage of seeing a mental health professional is in receiving an objective assessment. A psychotherapist could also assist you in addressing your communication and concentration problems, analyze your interactions with others and provide relationship advice. You may also want to be evaluated by a physician to rule out a medical cause. The problem that you have described is less likely to be coming from a medical cause but it should still be evaluated by a physician. The doctor can also determine if medication would help with your symptoms. Please take care.
Dr. Kristina Randle
Mental Health & Criminal Justice Blog