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Transgendered Girl?

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There’s a girl I met at my college who seems cool, and is very pretty. We’ve hung out a few times and things seem to be going well but a question she recently asked has me concerned. She said, “How would you react if u were with a girl who u love, and she reveals to u that she was born a guy?”
It could have been hypothetical but I’m not sure why she would ask that hypothetically. She definitely has a girl’s body: she is short, curvy, has no visible Adam’s apple, small hands and feet, and also has a girl’s voice and temperament. Still, that question keeps popping into my head and makes me wonder if this girl is transgendered. Could it have been hypothetical? How do I find out? Do I somehow bring it up?
I have nothing wrong with anyone who is transgendered, but if this girl was once a male–whether she was born a male and had a sex change or was born with ambiguous genitalia and was assigned female–I would like to know (if the latter is correct I’d have no problem continuing to date her, but the former would bother me a little bit.) We have yet to do anything more than kiss, and I would like to find an answer to this question before things go any further.

Transgendered Girl?

Answered by on -


I think the only way to get to the bottom of this is to be direct and ask her where her question came from. Many transgendered people go through a stage of identity ambiguity where they strive to find what is called transgender congruence: A sense of feeling comfortable and authentic with their gender identity. Unless you ask you will not know the purpose of her question. Once you learn this you will be in a better place to make a decision about your feelings.

Wishing you patience and peace,
Dr. Dan
Proof Positive Blog @ PsychCentral

Transgendered Girl?

Daniel J. Tomasulo, PhD, TEP, MFA, MAPP

Dan Tomasulo Ph.D., TEP, MFA, MAPP teaches Positive Psychology in the graduate program of Counseling and Clinical Psychology at Columbia University, Teachers College and works with Martin Seligman, the Father of Positive Psychology in the Masters of Applied Positive Psychology (MAPP) program at the University of Pennsylvania. He is Director of the New York Certification in Positive Psychology for the Open Center in New York City and on faculty at New Jersey City University. Sharecare has honored him as one of the top 10 online influencers on the topic of depression. For more information go to: He also writes for Psych Central's Ask the Therapist column and the Proof Positive blog.

APA Reference
Tomasulo, D. (2018). Transgendered Girl?. Psych Central. Retrieved on March 21, 2019, from
Scientifically Reviewed
Last updated: 8 May 2018
Last reviewed: By a member of our scientific advisory board on 8 May 2018
Published on Psych All rights reserved.