You should ask him to receive counseling. If he’s unwilling, then there’s little else you can do. It will then be up to you to make a decision about whether you want to stay in this relationship.
As it stands, the relationship could not be described as healthy. He does not treat you well. Perhaps that’s because of his history and time at war but nonetheless, he does not treat you well.
Suggest individual counseling. If he is unwilling to attend individual counseling perhaps he would be willing to attend couples counseling. If he is unwilling to do either, then you must decide your next move. If nothing changes, then I would advise against staying in this relationship. It’s concerning that he can treat you badly and you are willing to stay.
It would be advantageous for you to enter therapy. One reason is that you would gain much-needed emotional support during this difficult period of time. Another would be to explore the reasons why you are accepting of a partner who is emotionally abusive. Therapy could help you immensely.
He may be experiencing psychological problems but that does not make it okay for him to treat you badly. You should not accept it as an excuse. Please take care.
Dr. Kristina Randle
Mental Health & Criminal Justice