I appreciate the depth of your feeling and the need to sort it though. I can offer you what I’ve learned.
Literally everyone I know who has gone through this has made the interpretation that finding a new love has stirred an internal conflict and they are now in a predicament. In this line of reasoning the solution, whatever it is, is ferociously complex and messy. This is because it looks like there are all these decisions that need to be made. But in truth there is really only one decision that you have to deal with. Do you want to stay with your wife or not? The fact that you are so powerfully drawn to someone else is only partly about that other person. It is primarily about the fact that your marriage isn’t what you hoped it would be. You soul mate is a symptom of your marriage first and foremost. If the marriage were fantastic you would not have been interested in pursuing your new love.
So the work is in looking at your marriage and deciding if it has enough left in it to make a go of it. If it does—then you do everything in your power to make it work. If it doesn’t, part as easily as possible, recognizing you both will need to have compassion for each other because it will be hard– but both deserve to be in a relationship where your partner is as committed and into you as you are to them.