There is a good chance that the problems you are currently experiencing stem from your abusive childhood. Your childhood was characterized by abuse, neglect and abandonment. The very people who were supposed to love, care and protect you harmed you and abandoned you. Thankfully you had your grandparents who did the best they could but still fell short.
You stated that you feel “stupid” for feeling the way you do but you shouldn’t. What happened to you was not your fault. No one easily “gets over” an abusive childhood. Your formative years were damaged by your parents. Having had an abusive childhood does not mean that you are irreparably damaged. There is damage from childhood for many people, if not most. The degree of damage varies but nonetheless the damage must be corrected. Therapy is a corrective process.
If you’re in college, then in all likelihood you can receive free psychological services through the counseling center. It would be advantageous for you to see a therapist to deal with the psychological pain that is degrading your life. It would be ill-advised to ignore your psychological pain or attempt to deal with it on your own. Psychotherapists are trained to deal with the very problems with which you struggle. Seeking professional psychological help would be the most efficient way to deal with this problem. Many people who are in counseling are dealing with issues that stem from childhood. Please take care.
Dr. Kristina Randle
Mental Health & Criminal Justice Blog