I am a young boy. I listen to heavy metal (Ozzy Osborne and Marilyn Manson). I have a younger brother. My main problem is that I am very short (144cm) and everybody else in my age is tall, and I always think about become a king/emperor/leader and cutting off the legs of everybody who is taller than me so that they would be shorter. I cannot stop thinking about it, even in my dreams I always see blood and people without legs/people bowing down at my feet. I feel like all my “friends” secretly laugh at my height and that everybody hates me. My friends call me crazy sometimes. I also once almost killed my friend, when I was listening to music, I lost control of myself and I started strangling my best friend – I was stopped by another one of my friends and then I calmed down. My mother called me crazy for the first time when I smeared my whole face in my own blood. She thinks that I am mental and that I need to see a doctor. Am I really crazy or is it just “puberty”?Am I Crazy?
Am I Crazy?
The behavior you describe is quite serious and not likely the result of puberty. The only way in which biology or puberty affects this situation is related to height. At 11 years old, you are “short” now but you will grow taller. Growth spurts among males typically occur between the ages of 10 and 15. Your height may not be fully determined until at least 16 or 17 years old, and maybe later.
I agree with your mother. It would be in your best interest to see a mental health professional. What’s most concerning is that you once lost control of yourself and attempted to strangle your best friend. It’s a definitive sign that you have the capacity to lose control and engage in violence. The concern is that such an event will happen again and you may seriously harm or kill another individual.
Tell your mother you wrote this letter and show her my response. Insist that she take you to see a mental health professional. Treatment can greatly assist you in learning how to cope with your emotions and to develop healthy behaviors. Please take care.
Dr. Kristina Randle
Mental Health & Criminal Justice Blog