I need help with my boyfriend. I feel like he is putting any effort into our relationship anymore. All I ask is to be surprised sometimes with flowers or anything and he promised he would and still hasn’t happened. On Valentines Day I got a card that I was there when he bought, went out for a meal that I knew about and all I asked was to think of a surprise for after. We did nothing went back to his house where I mainly live and sat there for the evening with his parents and he was in bed by 9. Am I being selfish or do I deserve more? All I asked is to be loved and woo every once and awhile. We have been together two and a half years. I also have another problem I know I’m only 19 and I don’t want kids yet but am so worried. When I was 15 I had a cyst on my ovary and it got removed. I don’t know whether I was dreaming but I remember a doctor saying I might not be able have children. I don’t want to ask my mam or a doctor cause I am only 19 but I’m really worried about it as I really want kids with my boyfriend. Like I would love to get a place of our own but he is having non of it like we do talk about it but it isn’t happening. Like why would he want to leave his parents where he is living rent-free and gets money for fags and diesel everyday. His mother is very protective over him and a know it all. Anything he does she is always there but when it has anything to do with me she is nowhere near he. She’s driving me insane and I cant talk to anyone I need help please.
You deserve more. If your boyfriend is treating you like this now and thinks it is acceptable he most likely doesn’t have the enthusiasm to make the long haul. Don’t put the cart before the horse about having a child with him. If he isn’t treating you the way you need to be treated now, find out if he can improve—or move on. I would explain what you need from him very clearly, being certain to acknowledge his efforts. Give him examples of what you are talking about, and remember that men will most often show love through action –so be certain you tell him what he can be doing. Finally be sure to ask him what he needs from you. The best relationships are reciprocal. He may not know how to ask for what he needs.
Then give it some time and see if there is an improvement. If there is then you can plan more of your life together. If not, then you can plan your departure.
Dan Tomasulo Ph.D., TEP, MFA, MAPP teaches Positive Psychology in the graduate program of Counseling and Clinical Psychology at Columbia University, Teachers College and works with Martin Seligman, the Father of Positive Psychology in the Masters of Applied Positive Psychology (MAPP) program at the University of Pennsylvania. He is Director of the New York Certification in Positive Psychology for the Open Center in New York City and on faculty at New Jersey City University. Sharecare has honored him as one of the top 10 online influencers on the topic of depression. For more information go to: http://www.dare2behappy.com/. He also writes for Psych Central's Ask the Therapist column and the Proof Positive blog.
APA Reference Tomasulo, D. (2018). Feeling Alone in My Relationship. Psych Central.
Retrieved on November 21, 2019, from https://psychcentral.com/ask-the-therapist/2013/02/28/feeling-alone-in-my-relationship/
Last updated: 8 May 2018 (Originally: 28 Feb 2013) Last reviewed: By a member of our scientific advisory board on 8 May 2018 Published on Psych Central.com. All rights reserved.