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Confusion Keeps Me from Honesty

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I am 25 years old. I grew up in an alcoholic/addict home where neglect and abuse were the norm. I have struggled with major social anxiety my whole life and have been unable to really ever feel fully connected to anyone… there seems to always be a detached feeling, even with my long term boyfriend.

I only recently sought out therapy. I would normally avoid it, however, I got to a point where I could no longer function, I was having issues with self mutilation. I couldn’t leave my home and I wanted to die. Also I was having horrible flashbacks of some really bad stuff I had gone through as a teenager… ANYWAY, my issue is, I have been in therapy for about 7 months give or take and I am COMPLETELY infatuated with my therapist. I absolutely hate it. I started off obsessing over him, thinking how nice it would have been to know him as a kid which turned into I wish he could have been my father which has recently turned into I want to be intimate with him. Every morning I wake up thinking about him, every night I go to sleep thinking of him. This is pissing me off because I realize that I know absolutely nothing about him really and why on earth would I feel this way about someone I don’t know anything about… I am contemplating quitting therapy, I am thinking that this was a bad idea and maybe I am just not meant to talk to anyone about anything. I am especially disappointed because I purposely avoided having a female therapist because I knew I would probably obsess on her in some awful creepy horrible way… I ended up doing it anyway…
I feel like my head is going to explode and i have no idea what to do about this stupid, awful situation. Im confused. I dont know what I am feeling or why… I just know nobody else has ever understood me… and I am devastated that I will have to let him go…
What do i do?

Confusion Keeps Me from Honesty

Answered by on -


I know this may be hard to believe, but therapists are typically trained in this sort of thing, and believe it or not it is extremely common. The primary vehicle for change is the relationship in therapy with your therapist. He or she becomes a corrective force and it is not uncommon for clients to fall in love with this corrective person. The cure? Talk to him directly about your feelings. Your history would seem to indicate that intimacy may be difficult in current and future relationships, because there was never an opportunity to have a good role model. Now you do. Talk to him about it. Don’t run away from it. This is an opportunity to help heal yourself through the relationship.

Wishing you patience and peace,
Dr. Dan
Proof Positive Blog @ PsychCentral

Confusion Keeps Me from Honesty

Therapists live, online right now, from BetterHelp:

Daniel J. Tomasulo, PhD, TEP, MFA, MAPP

Dan Tomasulo Ph.D., TEP, MFA, MAPP teaches Positive Psychology in the graduate program of Counseling and Clinical Psychology at Columbia University, Teachers College and works with Martin Seligman, the Father of Positive Psychology in the Masters of Applied Positive Psychology (MAPP) program at the University of Pennsylvania. He is Director of the New York Certification in Positive Psychology for the Open Center in New York City and on faculty at New Jersey City University. Sharecare has honored him as one of the top 10 online influencers on the topic of depression. For more information go to: He also writes for Psych Central's Ask the Therapist column and the Proof Positive blog.

APA Reference
Tomasulo, D. (2018). Confusion Keeps Me from Honesty. Psych Central. Retrieved on November 25, 2020, from
Scientifically Reviewed
Last updated: 8 May 2018 (Originally: 27 Feb 2013)
Last reviewed: By a member of our scientific advisory board on 8 May 2018
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