Revealing the urge to kill to your therapist does not necessarily mean that you will be hospitalized. State laws vary considerably but generally speaking, individuals are only hospitalized against their will when the threat to harm themselves or others is imminent (i.e. on the verge of occurring), or when the individual making the threat has a specific plan to carry out an attack (i.e. names a particular victim), and they have the means to do so (i.e. has access to weapons). I can’t know with certainty but your desire to harm seems nonspecific.
It is vitally important that you are honest with your therapist. Your therapist could assist you in dealing with your urge before it grows out of control. The situation is especially concerning because you write that you are “losing myself.” I take that phrase to mean that it is becoming increasingly difficult for you to control your behavior. Now is the time to get help.
If you feel that you cannot control your behavior, it is imperative that you go to the emergency room or to call 911. I know that you would miss your cat but generally speaking, hospital stays are relatively short. The staff at the hospital would keep you safe, protect you from harming others, evaluate your condition and treat you accordingly. Do not hesitate to seek help. Please take care.
Dr. Kristina Randle
Mental Health & Criminal Justice Blog