Make no mistake, having an emotional affair is a form of cheating. In many ways, having an emotional affair is more serious and more damaging than having a sexual affair. The emotional relationship that you have developed is quite strong. In fact, you are “in love” and on the verge of ending your current relationship. It’s evidence that emotional affairs are not harmless, not innocent, not benign.
I’m sure that you didn’t intend to fall in love with a different person. I’m sure that you never intended to hurt your current boyfriend. It is normal to get to know or to date a number of people before choosing one to marry. Perhaps, you are doing that right now — looking for the right one. That’s okay but you need to tell your current boyfriend and both of you can then decide what to do.
You may want to consider working through this dilemma with the assistance of a therapist. If you choose that route, consider examining the morality of continuing dual relationships. It’s okay and even healthy to be choosy about whom you want to marry but it’s not okay to carry on two love relationships. Continuing to engage in this emotional affair is unfair to your current boyfriend. Please take care.
Dr. Kristina Randle