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Will Things Ever Change?

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I’m going to be sad and angry to the end of my days. I’m 44, female, divorced and getting fatter and lonelier by the minute. I’m employed but I suspect that some people (the ones with power) want me out and will push me out. They think I’m weak, disorganized and stupid (and I think I am as well). I’m a disappointment to my mother who only wants me to be married – she really wanted me to have kids but I screwed that up as well (i.e. I have no kids – one miscarriage and one abortion though). I’m taking wellbutrin, i’ve talked to doctors but nothing ever seems to change. Part of me would just like someone to be there for me but that would require me to be there for them – and I just don’t have the energy to do that nor the skills or ability – I would just ruin their life as well as my own.

Will things ever change?

Will Things Ever Change?

Answered by on -

A.

Writing us here is the first step toward making a commitment toward change. Change happens when we change. What I noticed in your description is that you see yourself as a disappointment at work, with your mother, and a potential disappointment to a partner. This is a pattern of thought that creates a belief system that becomes a self-fulfilling prophecy. The work is in changing your belief system so you stop from going into this downward spiral. One of the best books on the subject is by The Resilience Factor by Karen Reivich and Andrew Shatte. This will help you challenge your thinking, for starters. It is superbly written and based on research. It will walk you through the steps of changing these belief systems. Second, I would begin working with a cognitive-behavioral therapist. You can find one in your area by clicking on the find help tab at the top of the page.

Wishing you patience and peace,
Dr. Dan
Proof Positive Blog @ PsychCentral

Will Things Ever Change?

Daniel J. Tomasulo, PhD, TEP, MFA, MAPP

Dan Tomasulo Ph.D., TEP, MFA, MAPP teaches Positive Psychology in the graduate program of Counseling and Clinical Psychology at Columbia University, Teachers College and works with Martin Seligman, the Father of Positive Psychology in the Masters of Applied Positive Psychology (MAPP) program at the University of Pennsylvania. He is Director of the New York Certification in Positive Psychology for the Open Center in New York City and on faculty at New Jersey City University. Sharecare has honored him as one of the top 10 online influencers on the topic of depression. For more information go to: http://www.dare2behappy.com/. He also writes for Psych Central's Ask the Therapist column and the Proof Positive blog.

APA Reference
Tomasulo, D. (2018). Will Things Ever Change?. Psych Central. Retrieved on May 21, 2019, from https://psychcentral.com/ask-the-therapist/2013/01/20/will-things-ever-change/
Scientifically Reviewed
Last updated: 8 May 2018
Last reviewed: By a member of our scientific advisory board on 8 May 2018
Published on Psych Central.com. All rights reserved.