Yesterday, I had my birthday. At first, I invited some people over to have a party, but then I changed my mind because I was anxious about what people would say and if they had a nice time. So, I decided to go for ice skating, for some of my best friends; that’s what I thought then. A day before my birthday, all of them said that they couldn’t come. I felt so alone, so desperate and that I had not real friends. That night I had a friend to sleep with me and I think she is the only real friend. Not because she stayed, but because she loves me for real. So when it was the next morning, I decided I would go to buy toys.. Alone. Well, I want to ask these:
-Why no one came? -Why would they come to my party, but not for ice skating? -Why all of my friends only take from me, but never give? -How should I behave to these friends that didn’t care?
“Walking with a friend in the dark is better than walking alone in the ligh.t” Helen Keller
I would like to reframe this if I can. There were a few things here that come back to the fact that people were asked to come to your party and accepted, then were uninvited because you were afraid they would have a nice time. This seems to me like you may have some ambivalence about having friends. Switching to ice skating may simply have not worked for the people whom you invited. The change may not be what they were able to accommodate. Finally you had a best friend stay over — and then made a choice to buy toys — alone.
What isn’t described here is how they are taking from you. What were they taking? Friendships are like tending to a beautiful garden. You must nurture them so they can thrive and bring joy to you. I would encourage you to invest in your friends and strive for having nice times together and savoring these experiences.
Dan Tomasulo Ph.D., TEP, MFA, MAPP teaches Positive Psychology in the graduate program of Counseling and Clinical Psychology at Columbia University, Teachers College and works with Martin Seligman, the Father of Positive Psychology in the Masters of Applied Positive Psychology (MAPP) program at the University of Pennsylvania. He is Director of the New York Certification in Positive Psychology for the Open Center in New York City and on faculty at New Jersey City University. Sharecare has honored him as one of the top 10 online influencers on the topic of depression. For more information go to: http://www.dare2behappy.com/. He also writes for Psych Central's Ask the Therapist column and the Proof Positive blog.
APA Reference Tomasulo, D. (2018). Alone on my Birthday. Psych Central.
Retrieved on May 22, 2019, from https://psychcentral.com/ask-the-therapist/2013/01/18/alone-on-my-birthday/
Last updated: 8 May 2018 Last reviewed: By a member of our scientific advisory board on 8 May 2018 Published on Psych Central.com. All rights reserved.