My boyfriend and I have been together for 4 yrs and 4months. Dated for 1 yrs before we moved in together. In the beginning we had issues but we worked through them and things have been really great. But as of a few months ago he’s becoming a little meaner. He use to be so calm, took a lot for him to get angry. He would always want to fix any problem. And lately if we had a fight I’m the one trying to figure it out and he acts like he does not care. He never raised his voice, or if I cried he would do anything to make things better. Now if I cry he will say “stop your being a baby” he’ll yell in my face “shut the f*** up” if I say something he doesn’t like he loses it. Hell yell non-stop. I beg him to just stop and talk to me like normal people but he won’t. I’ve told him if you don’t love me anymore, or don’t want the relationship anymore let me know. I won’t hold you back if you feel you need to move on. He says he loves me and wants to work things out. Sometimes I don’t think he realizes that his actions say something else. This does not happen all the time just when we argue. Before we could argue and move on with our day and be happy. Now these arguments will last all day, all night. I’ll miss classes sometimes because I don’t like going to school all upset. Or mad at each other. What can I do to save our relationship? I love him dearly and I know he loves me. But why is this happening??? Please help me!

A: You have been in this relationship for over four years and you’re 21, so that’s a long time to be in a relationship. I think you’re right that what you’re describing is abusive and it sounds like an unhealthy relationship. I have two suggestions you either get into intensive couples counseling or let him know clearly that the next time you yell at me or swear in my face, you are done. Watch the video for the complete answer.

Take good care of yourself,

Julie Hanks, LCSW