I have a best friend who I am very close with. She and I bond very well because we have many things in common. But lately, she hasn’t been replying to my messages, answering my calls and I’ve just got a gut feeling that something’s wrong. I’ve been crying myself to sleep worrying whether she’s okay or whether she’s ignoring me. I feel so lost and useless without her and my patents have even started to see the sadness on my face. Words cannot describe how much I miss her. It feels as though there is half of me missing that I will never get back. I know that I can just call her home number, but I’m scared. I’m scared that she will reject me. I’m scared that she won’t pick up. I keep imagining het having fun with someone else; not missing me; and it makes me jealous and angry. Am I being too obsessive over her? Is there really any reason for me to be missing her?
I can understand how difficult it can be to feel adrift in a relationship – but it seems to me the relationship is strong enough to warrant you calling and finding out what went wrong—if indeed anything went wrong. Your friend may just be going through something that has shut her down and you reaching out to her is a way to understand.
People cut off communication for many reasons other than they are rejecting you. This will be an opportunity for you to check out what the bottom line is and deal with it directly. If she was offended in some way or is rejecting you at the very least you will know it and then find out what needs to be done to cope.
If she has shut down for other reasons this will let her know that you care about her. This of this as an opportunity to understand more about the friendship and take it from there.
Not to ask and to assume she has rejected you would leave you in the place of not knowing – which is often more devastating that having the facts.
Dan Tomasulo Ph.D., TEP, MFA, MAPP teaches Positive Psychology in the graduate program of Counseling and Clinical Psychology at Columbia University, Teachers College and works with Martin Seligman, the Father of Positive Psychology in the Masters of Applied Positive Psychology (MAPP) program at the University of Pennsylvania. He is Director of the New York Certification in Positive Psychology for the Open Center in New York City and on faculty at New Jersey City University. Sharecare has honored him as one of the top 10 online influencers on the topic of depression. For more information go to: http://www.dare2behappy.com/. He also writes for Psych Central's Ask the Therapist column and the Proof Positive blog.
APA Reference Tomasulo, D. (2018). I Really Miss My Best Friend. Psych Central.
Retrieved on May 23, 2019, from https://psychcentral.com/ask-the-therapist/2013/01/14/i-really-miss-my-best-friend/
Last updated: 8 May 2018 Last reviewed: By a member of our scientific advisory board on 8 May 2018 Published on Psych Central.com. All rights reserved.