You stay with him despite the abuse. He stays with you despite his disrespect for you. This is a co-dependent relationship that is destructive to you both and to your children. It took courage for you to face this and to write to us. That’s the first step toward change. Give yourself credit for that.
I do understand how helpless you feel. You’ve never lived apart from your husband. You’ve never had the experience of other people loving you and cherishing you. You don’t know whether you are strong enough to make it on your own or to support your children. Believe me, you are not at all alone in your situation. Many, many women share your story.
Fortunately, there are women’s shelters that can offer you the support and practical help you need. I did a web search and found that there is such a center in your town. Please contact them. Such places usually offer counseling, support and opportunities for women to get on their feet so they can make a choice about their relationship instead of feeling trapped in it. You don’t need to have made the decision to leave to get help. It’s enough that you want to figure out how to make some changes.
Writing us was an important first step. Now take the next one and make that phone call.
I wish you well.