You seem to be experiencing a great deal of emotional dysregulation. You also described what may potentially be panic attacks (i.e. sweating, terrified, can’t breathe easily, etc.). After such attacks, you stated that you “bully yourself.” The attacks are not your fault. It’s harsh and unfair to punish yourself for something that you cannot control.
It is abnormal to be constantly depressed, to hate your body, to engage in self harm, to feel guilty when you eat, and to think about ending your life “very often.” Your symptoms are not indicative of any one particular mental health disorder but they are clearly degrading the quality of your life and thus require treatment.
To answer your question directly, what you’re feeling is abnormal. Your symptoms are evidence that you are suffering.
You used to attend therapy but for reasons that were not disclosed, you quit. Now that your symptoms have been identified as a problem, the next logical step is to seek treatment. Report your symptoms to your parents and request to return to therapy as soon as possible.
If you feel that you may harm yourself, it is imperative to seek emergency assistance. Call 911 if necessary. Please take care.