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Wife Competes with Ex

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My new wife (10 months) is extremely jealous of my ex girlfriend of 4.5 years. This goes back to the fact that my wife and I met while I was still with my ex girlfriend and I stayed with my girlfriend. About a year later I broke up with my ex-girlfriend and my wife and I began talking again. In the early stages of our relationship I was still breaking up with my ex and made a stupid comment on Facebook that I wasn’t moving to CO to be with my current wife, but for a job. My wife read that and still holds it over my head today, over a year and a half later and after we have gotten married, bought a car, house, and are planning kids. My wife sees herself in competitions with my ex and even puts me out of the equation on who I chose and looks only at each of their individual qualities and claims that she is the loser. Everything else between us is great but what do i do? She is talking about divorce already because she can’t get over this issue. I realize it is my responsibility too but I have done everything I can to put that behind us and never make reference to her or have kept any communication with my ex.

Wife Competes with Ex

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If your wife is seriously talking about divorce because of this I would explain to her that you are willing to explore the possibility. I would then make an appointment for a couples counselor for the purpose of moving toward a divorce in an amicable way if the issue can’t be resolved. Your wife’s insecurity isn’t going to be assuaged by anything you say or do, and a couples counselor can either help you separate before you invest in the relationship further, or assist you and your wife moving past this.

Wishing you patience and peace,
Dr. Dan
Proof Positive Blog @ PsychCentral

Wife Competes with Ex

Daniel J. Tomasulo, PhD, TEP, MFA, MAPP

Dan Tomasulo Ph.D., TEP, MFA, MAPP teaches Positive Psychology in the graduate program of Counseling and Clinical Psychology at Columbia University, Teachers College and works with Martin Seligman, the Father of Positive Psychology in the Masters of Applied Positive Psychology (MAPP) program at the University of Pennsylvania. He is Director of the New York Certification in Positive Psychology for the Open Center in New York City and on faculty at New Jersey City University. Sharecare has honored him as one of the top 10 online influencers on the topic of depression. For more information go to: He also writes for Psych Central's Ask the Therapist column and the Proof Positive blog.

APA Reference
Tomasulo, D. (2018). Wife Competes with Ex. Psych Central. Retrieved on March 21, 2019, from
Scientifically Reviewed
Last updated: 8 May 2018
Last reviewed: By a member of our scientific advisory board on 8 May 2018
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