I think that my best friend is turning gay, we’re both girls, I’m straight and I have a gay and Bi friends already (I’m not homophobic, at all) and she keeps denying it but she is also getting more depressed when it is brought up and I know (I can always tell, I just can) she is, she starting to get boys hair cuts and wearing boys clothes and I don’t know what to do. She seems to get more depressed and crys when ever she buys boys clothes and does something boyish? I dont know how to help her? I’m 13 and she’s 14. She is also constantly looks at girls and comments on them. I’m scared she might do something, as some of my other friends have cut themselves (That has been resolved) How can I help??? Please?

A. People don’t “turn” gay. People are born gay. Virtually every empirical study has shown that to be the case. Perhaps your friend is attempting to deny the fact that she is gay because she’s concerned about the reactions of others. Many gay teens worry about how they will be treated by their peers after revealing their true sexuality. Some gay teens worry that their parents will be upset with their “choice” to be gay. Of course, it is not a “choice.” It is no more a choice to be homosexual than heterosexual. The only choice we have is to be sexual or asexual and that is equally true for heterosexuals as well as homosexuals.

Is there a trusted adult with whom your friend can speak? Suggest that she make an appointment with the school guidance counselor to discuss these issues. Consider consulting your parents about your concerns. Perhaps they can advise you about how to best handle this situation.

Do what you can to be supportive. If you believe that your friend is cutting, then you should inform a school official and her parents. I hope this helps. Please take care.

Dr. Kristina Randle