Home » Self-Sabotage


Asked by on with 1 answer:

I am a horrible person, but people still love me, I have a lot of friends and I don’t deserve them. I decided that my best friend deserves better than me, but she wouldn’t do anything about it so I ruined her birthday party the best I could. All she wanted to do was spend time with me and it was my goal to make her miserable. I’m selfish when things don’t go my way I get very upset. I am out of control, I know I shouldn’t treat her badly but when I’m doing it I can’t stop myself. My other friendships are suffering because I am abusing (sabotaging) them too. I don’t deserve this life. I want to be sad enough for suicide, but I am too happy, and have too much to live for. I have had a horrible procrastination problem since I was 7. I’m in college and it has only gotten worse. I used to be the nicest happiest person anyone ever met, but I am now abusive and horrible. I really want to stop this horrid behavior while a huge part of me doesn’t care and wants the worse for me. Whats wrong with me? I am so privileged and so unworthy. I feel numb and I want to feel bad, I don’t feel bad enough for my actions and it scares me. I don’t learn from my mistakes. I feel hopeless, I need help.


Answered by on -


The kind of sabotage you are doing often comes from ambivalence. People will typically sabotage themselves when they are unsure about something: Chosen for something they do not want to be chosen for; being friends with someone they do not feel worthy of; asked to do something they do not want to do.

The work is on self-acceptance. You need to be happier with yourself so that you can allow others in. I would strongly encourage you to take up a practice of meditation. Sitting with uncomfortable thoughts and feelings and developing a tolerance for this tends to help. I would also encourage you to talk to a counselor at your college. This is often an excellent way to start to unravel the reasons beneath.

Wishing you patience and peace,
Dr. Dan
Proof Positive Blog @ PsychCentral


Daniel J. Tomasulo, PhD, TEP, MFA, MAPP

Dan Tomasulo Ph.D., TEP, MFA, MAPP teaches Positive Psychology in the graduate program of Counseling and Clinical Psychology at Columbia University, Teachers College and works with Martin Seligman, the Father of Positive Psychology in the Masters of Applied Positive Psychology (MAPP) program at the University of Pennsylvania. He is Director of the New York Certification in Positive Psychology for the Open Center in New York City and on faculty at New Jersey City University. Sharecare has honored him as one of the top 10 online influencers on the topic of depression. For more information go to: He also writes for Psych Central's Ask the Therapist column and the Proof Positive blog.

APA Reference
Tomasulo, D. (2018). Self-Sabotage. Psych Central. Retrieved on March 20, 2019, from
Scientifically Reviewed
Last updated: 8 May 2018
Last reviewed: By a member of our scientific advisory board on 8 May 2018
Published on Psych All rights reserved.