I have always been an unhappy person. However, for about 3 years this feeling has become much more intense. I think of death and suicide almost every morning, with no concrete reason actually.
I have no friends. And although my boyfriend is the only person who I am comfortable with, I often treat him very badly and I actually break his heart. When I receive a bad grade or when we cannot see each other I blame him even though he is not guilty at all. Or even without any reason I just get angry and I tell him that I do not want to see him again (emotional fluctuations). In fact my relationship with the family members is the same. This may be the explanation of why I do not have friends.
The other thing is that when someone asks me a question I cannot answer it in a correct fashion, I make digressions into irrelevant topics. People cannot get useful information out of me. Even worse, I always forget the things that I want to tell someone. Often I stuck at the middle of a sentence, not to mention the amount of words I forget per day. These are actually quite ironic as I study mathematics and I am quite familiar with logic as well, but somehow I cannot pursue a logical conversation in daily life.
I do not hear voices but I talk to myself every time (I presume that everyone does?). And I do not see hallucinations either.
To conclude, I do not want to live because nothing makes me happy except for the dreams I imagine in my head. Am I in depression? Or in a worse situation? Thank you in advance.Unstable Emotions, Difficulty In Speech
Unstable Emotions, Difficulty In Speech
Depression may be the problem. Several symptoms that may be indicative of depression include emotional instability, suicidal ideation and a marked increase in your unhappiness.
You described yourself as a generally unhappy person. Some people describe themselves as a pessimist and others as an optimist but it is relatively rare for a teenager to experience such a long period of unhappiness. It may be a sign of chronic depression.
You also described occasions in which you had difficulty with speech. Are these incidents related to nervousness? Did other people notice them? Have you been told that you “digress into irrelevant topics” or is it your characterization of the situation? The answers to those questions would help me to understand what’s wrong. People with depression often have a negatively skewed view of their skills and abilities. Depression increases the likelihood that you are incorrectly characterizing your speech problems.
If you are in fact having speech problems, then you should be evaluated by a physician to rule out a medical cause. Problems with speech are sometimes indicative of neurological problems.
My overall recommendation is to be evaluated by a mental health professional. You are clearly suffering and have been, for at least three years. Your unhappiness is intensifying and you’re often thinking about suicide. Those are all signs that help is needed and is long overdue. Please take care.