i heard from four people (boyfriend’s co-workers) that he was bragging at a dinner party about how he had sex with a 12 year old. he said “he did everything with her, man! everything!”

i’m sick to my stomach, but should his sex life be left in the past? we’ve been together four years, but had sex about ten times because he says he has erectile dysfunction. (now i’m beginning to have doubts).

A: It may be that your boyfriend isn’t having sex with you because he is attracted to kids, not to an adult woman. The fact that he was “bragging” about raping a child is reprehensible. Make no mistake, what he did was exactly that — a rape. He should be in jail, not at a dinner party.

He may not be able to help his attraction but he can certainly exercise impulse control – both with his behavior and with his mouth. Pedophilia is both a diagnosable mental illness and a crime. It is certainly not something to brag about.

Since your boyfriend doesn’t seem to understand the seriousness of his offense and isn’t going for treatment, break up and move on. However difficult it will be to leave him, think about how much more difficult it will be to know that he is capable of hurting children, including yours if you should have kids with him. At only 22, you have lots of years ahead to explore relationships and to make a healthier choice.

I wish you well.
Dr. Marie