To Whoever is reading this, I am depressed, I feel like I’ve failed. I was dropped from college, but I’m trying to get back in. What if I dont accept me again? What if I have to go back home, a failure. What will I do? I have no training and as far as I can tell no competence. I know and feel like doing things that I need to do, but I cant. My mind wanders, then I make stupid mistakes and feel even more inadequate. I cant spell anymore and simple everyday conversations irritate me. I dont like going to class or doing anything else for that matter. I just want to die. I know its wrong, but is my life even worth keeping? I’m very sure whatever I do in my life I’m going to fail. I have constant money problems, so I decided to find a job. Obviously I was rebuffed, people dont even think I can do menial labor. I dont like to eat anymore and have been losing weight. I started to exercise, but now I think a run will kill me. I’ve lost a lot of weight. I dont drink, but I’ve started to smoke to help my tension.
The worst part is, I used to be good at things. I was efficient and got things done at a time……
Under no circumstances should you end your life. You’re experiencing difficult times. Problems are a part of life but so are their solutions. Everyone experiences problems. Problems can be solved and your life can improve. That is true for everyone and it is true for you.
Having difficulty in college should not equate to being a failure. Perhaps you took the wrong classes or chose the wrong major. Your strengths might lie in a different type of class or in a different major. It can take time to determine a definitive career path.
Every college institution has administrative deans or staff who work to identify student problems. I would encourage you to speak to school administrators and ask them to assist you in determining what may be wrong. They will assess the problem and attempt to correct it.
You may want to consider a community college or vocational school as an alternative to a four-year college. One positive aspect of these schools is that they train students for a type of job that is currently in demand.
I would also encourage you to be evaluated by a mental health professional. It would be advisable because you are under significant duress and considering suicide. Individuals considering suicide are not thinking clearly. Suicidal thinking may also be a sign of depression. Most universities provide psychotherapy services to their students, free of charge. If that is not an option, then speak to your primary care physician, who could recommend a mental health professional in your community. If you feel that you might harm yourself, call 911 or go to the emergency room. Please take care.
Kristina Randle, Ph.D., LCSW is a licensed psychotherapist and Assistant Professor of Social Work and Forensics with extensive experience in the field of mental health. She works in private practice with adults, adolescents and families. Kristina has worked in a large array of settings including community mental health, college counseling and university research centers.
APA Reference Randle, K. (2018). Depressed and Want to Die. Psych Central.
Retrieved on November 22, 2019, from https://psychcentral.com/ask-the-therapist/2012/12/01/depressed-and-want-to-die/
Last updated: 8 May 2018 (Originally: 1 Dec 2012) Last reviewed: By a member of our scientific advisory board on 8 May 2018 Published on Psych Central.com. All rights reserved.